After suffering the loss of a pregnancy, going through the perils of trying again, and finally conceiving your rainbow baby, you may be feeling some complicated emotions. Sadness, anxiety, anger – just to name a few. Let yourself feel all of the emotions, but work through them as they come. These are all completely normal reactions to this life event. So much so that there is an entire website dedicated to pregnancy loss after miscarriage. There, you can find articles to help you on your journey and an app is even offered to further aid you.
In the article, I will disclose my struggles with pregnancy after loss and how I was able to work through them. In my mind, I assumed that when I finally conceived my rainbow baby, all of the “bad” emotions and traumas would magically dissipate. I was so incredibly wrong. Yes, I got my rainbow baby, she’s healthy and beautiful and everything I hoped for. But, I still yearn for the one lost, I won’t forget them and still needed to process the loss.
With another pregnancy, anxiety can also arise. You stay ultra alert to every cue your body sends out which only makes the anxiety that much worse. You may have a completely healthy pregnancy this time around, but that doesn’t clear out your previous experiences. Here, I have noted four ways to help settle your emotions and anxiety.
1. Find your Triggers
Your triggers may include how or when you found out about your miscarriage. Personally, I found out at my eleven week doctor appointment. Read more about my miscarriage story and my early ultrasound experience for more detailed information.
When I scheduled my eleven week doctor appointment for my rainbow baby, I didn’t feel any anxiety. However, when the day came, all the emotions came creeping back in. Going to my appointment caused so much anxiety that the medical assistant could visibly see my discomfort. Of course everything turned out ok, but I didn’t stop shaking until I left.
The moral of the story is, you may think you are ok, but in an instant, those emotions can all come flashing back.
You can attempt to pinpoint what events may elevate your emotions and try to work through them. This will likely not completely eliminate your anxiety, but it can help to identify your possible triggers. In the next tip, we will discuss how to cope with these feelings.
2. Talk or Write out your Feelings
Once you’ve figured out your triggers, write them out or talk them out (or both.) Personally, I am more of a writer and find it difficult to express myself vocally even to the people I am closest to.
Bottling up your emotions just gives you more stress. Writing or talking about them is very freeing. Let it all out and let it all go, feel that weight being lifted off your shoulders as you divulge deep into your feelings.
Whether you speak to a medical professional, a friend, an online support, group, or your partner, processing your emotions is an important step towards your overall mental healing. In my post Finding Community: Support Groups and Online Spaces for Healing, I detail how to find an online support group, in person support group, and how to create your own online community. These groups can assist in your healing journey as can finding a mental health professional and talking to your partner about your emotions.
Writing can take many forms. You can write on simple pen and paper, write in a guided journal, create a blog or Facebook group, or find an app to write on your phone. Find what works best for you and set aside specific time in your schedule to complete this activity on a regular basis.
Both these activities mean scheduling specific time to complete them. Be mindful, practical, and consistent and you will see positive results in your healing journey. Take journaling and talking about your feelings seriously.
3. Get Reassurance from your Doctor
When in doubt, feeling scared, having a weird symptom; call your doctor. Most of the time, you can speak to a nurse in a timely manner. Nurses are some of the most compassionate people in the world. They seen and heard so much and can see where you are coming from.
Tell them your worries and push for that early ultrasound if it’s something you want. I am so glad I did this. That peace of mind is also very freeing. I promise, you are not bothering them. This is what they are here for, this is their job, and most nurses love their job. If on the odd chance, you get a nurse that isn’t willing to help, ask to speak to a different nurse. Even if they find offense, who cares? You are the only one in control of your mental and physical health. You have to drive the boat and set boundaries to get the results you want and need.
If your nurses and doctors are not helpful or seem apathetic, consider switching healthcare facilities if you are able. Be sure to check with your insurance carrier first to ensure proper coverage. The most important thing during this time is that you feel supported in this pregnancy. It is one hundred percent worth it to find a care team that actually cares and supports you in a way that resonates with you.
4. Enjoy the Little Things
It sounds silly, but enjoy your symptoms, if you have them. This time, I had horrible morning sickness but remembered last time (when I had a miscarriage) I had none. So, not that I necessarily enjoyed throwing up every morning, but I was definitely grateful for it.
Every pregnancy is different, you may have no symptoms and still have a healthy pregnancy. Talk this through with your doctor or their nurse if you have concerns. Take it slow during the first few weeks, be gentle with your mind and body. You are growing a whole human, how incredible! Your body can do amazing things, trust in your body and nourish it well.
Just try to enjoy being pregnant, telling people, decorating the nursery, the food cravings, all of it. Any bit that excites you, enjoy to the fullest extent. Indulge in the little things and savor all the little moments with your little one safe inside. Write in a pregnancy journal so you can go back and read about your symptoms and life during this time, whether good or bad.
Final Thoughts
What a magical and anxiety provoking time. Looking back at my rainbow baby pregnancy, I felt anxious like something would go wrong. But in that anxiety, I also felt sadness and anger that I had these thoughts in my mind. I felt guilty for having a successful pregnancy when others have a much more difficult path. Complex emotions can plague you during this time. On one hand you’re simply elated, but on the other, you’re terrified. Let’s work through this together and hope for the best outcome; your beautiful rainbow baby, due to arrive in nine short months.
What has been the most difficult part of your journey so far into your rainbow pregnancy? What emotions have you journeyed through this time around? Please share any tips below for fellow moms or visit my contact page to chat privately. I wish you well on this journey.
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