Coping with a miscarriage can be an emotionally challenging experience, and finding support within your circle is crucial. Initially, I chose to confide in a small, trusted group and gradually shared my experience with more people over time. If someone has chosen to share this deeply personal information with you, understand that it’s a significant sign of trust and should not be taken lightly.
After reflecting on my experience, I realized that many people wanted to support me through my miscarriage but weren’t sure where to begin. To help, I’ve created a list of thoughtful suggestions on how to support someone navigating a miscarriage. The key to all these ideas is to make the person feel genuinely loved and cared for. Consider their love language and tailor your actions to meet their emotional needs.
Send a care package
Wondering what to include in a care package? Focus on items that show love and thoughtfulness, such as their favorite snacks, comfort foods, or small gifts. A soft blanket, their favorite coffee or tea, or a selection of treats they enjoy can provide comfort and let them know you care.
This care package is a thoughtful way to show you care. For more unique and personalized options, Etsy offers a variety of care packages. Searching for miscarriage box ideas and then creating your own could be a more budget friendly option. Think about what your friend loves and curate your own from there.
Some care package ideas may include:
- Blanket
- Their favorite drink such as coffee or tea
- Chocolate
- Gift card for food takeout or cleaning services
- Face masks
- Bubble bath
- Candle
- Journal
- Slippers
Again, these items are not meant to fix the situation, but to bring just a little bit of comfort and thought that you care about them.
Send a card
Consider sending a heartfelt, handwritten card to show your care and support during this difficult time. Take the time to thoughtfully craft your message, avoiding phrases like “everything happens to for a reason,” which might not be comforting. Focus on expressing love and support. If you’d like, you can include a self-care gift card, though it’s not necessary. When I experienced my miscarriage, what mattered most to me was simply knowing I was loved and supported.
Be cognizant and careful on your message. Saying the wrong thing during this time could be detrimental to the future of your relationship. Focus more on action steps, if you are able. Such as: offering to do housework, cooking, or shopping. If you are farther away, you could send gift card for food or offer a time to chat over the phone.
Send them food
It’s natural to be sad after a miscarriage. I was so sad I didn’t want to do much, much less cook. Make them a freezer meal you know they will love. Or make them some cookies or their favorite snack. Ask them if you can start a meal train for them.
If you don’t cook or bake you could order their favorite meal from a restaurant to be delivered or some cookies from somewhere like Crumbl. If you don’t know their favorites, ask someone who does.
Do your own research
This goes back to watching what you say. They may not be ready to divulge all of the little details. If they are comfortable enough to, then let them. However, do not press for details. They had a miscarriage, that is all you need to know.
If you want to know more about miscarriages, read this book. It goes through a lot of information about miscarriages and how to cope, but it is also a fairly short read. You can also view the miscarriage section of this blog for more insight and information about miscarriages. Remember that everyone’s situation and story is uniquely theirs. Just because you read something online or in a book doesn’t make it true for your friend.
Offer to help with chores
A miscarriage is not only emotionally draining, but also physically draining. Offer to do some household chores to take some weight off their back or pick up their groceries so they can stay in the comfort of their own home. Only offer to do housework if you can do it without judgement. Perhaps they have let their house become a mess and they don’t need judgement right now.
One thing no one warned me about was how sad I’d feel seeing babies and other pregnant women while I’m out shopping. Don’t get me wrong, good for them, but it makes me think about what could have been for me. It would have been a huge help to not have to leave the house after my miscarriage.
Make sure they know they’re loved.
Think before you speak, but make sure they know you are there for them and they are loved. You can visit my blog post here for what not to say.
The key is to show support. Offer a hug, a warm meal, or just spend time with them. Saying the exact right thing will not fix it. However, saying the wrong thing can cause irreparable damage to your relationship. If you are far away, talk to them on the phone. Maybe they just want to chat about other life events to get their mind off of it. It doesn’t hurt to ask what they’d prefer.
Let them feel all of the feels
No thoughtful words or care package can really fix how they are feeling. However, it can send them the message that they are loved and have outlets for grieving. They shouldn’t have to go through this incredibly challenging time alone. The simplest acts can let them know that you are there and you care.
Final thoughts
If you or someone you know has experienced a miscarriage, I hope this post has provided comfort and understanding. You don’t have to go through this journey alone—feel free to reach out to me anytime. Your story matters, and I’d be honored to hear it. Let’s support one another and create a space for healing together.
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