As a mom, you’ve likely heard about sleepless nights, tantrums, and the many joys and challenges of motherhood. But what’s often left unspoken is the invisible load—the mental weight of constantly remembering, planning, and doing. It’s heavy, exhausting, and, at times, suffocating. But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to stay that way.
How can we lighten the invisible load of motherhood? How can we crush decision fatigue? How can we stop feeling so alone in this beautifully flawed journey?
In this post, we’ll explore the unspoken truths of motherhood—and share practical ways to define what matters most, lighten the mental load, and reclaim a bit of yourself in the process.
6 Simple Steps to Lighten the Load
Acknowledgement
The first step is to acknowledge that the invisible load exists. Ever-present and persistent, it exists for even the most seemingly put-together moms. Acknowledgement gives us permission to seek support. Mental and emotional labor are the real deal. Unless we take steps to reduce them, they will knock us down every chance they get.
How do we go about acknowledgment? There are many routes, you can choose what best fits your life. You can talk to a friend, talk to a therapist, write it down, or simply ponder all that you do in a day; little decisions and all. Once you’ve contemplated all the things that fall onto you, proceed to the next steps.
Communication
Communicate clearly and often. Resentment arises when unspoken needs go unmet. Don’t assume your partner knows all that needs to be done around the house and don’t just ask for help. Instead, phrase your request as “this is what needs to get done today, let’s divide and conquer it.”
Beyond the household and children related tasks, regularly communicate with your partner, co-parent, or family. Let them know your needs and feelings before they convert into mom rage.
Share the Load
Share the calendar, lists, and the mental load with your family. Why does it all need to crash down on mom? Use electronic means to share a calendar or get a whiteboard for the refrigerator. Instead of delegating, shoot for co-owning the responsibilities.
Later in this post, we will go over specific apps that can help with sharing the duties.
Let Perfection Go
Sometimes the heaviest part of the load is the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect. We want to do everything, fix everything, always have an answer, and just generally do everything right the first time. Setting down the idea of perfection gives yourself grace and your kids room to grow on their own.
For me, putting down the perfection was the most difficult step in my journey. I always wanted to be doing more, doing better, being better. I never stopped to consider the truth for all moms: you are exactly the mom that your children need.
Build Your Village
A village looks different for everyone. Think about support, both mental and physical. Seek a mom group, find a friend, or lean on your family. In this perilous journey, you deserve a community.
At the end of this post, there will be additional ways and links to communities that can help. If you don’t resonate with a community, keep looking. Don’t give up hope, find a community that offers support and fits your specific needs.
Schedule Time for Yourself
You exist beyond being a mom. Consider your life before you became a mom and brainstorm some life-giving activities. Whether you spend five minutes or five hours a day doing something you love, do it because you deserve it.
Have you ever heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup?” Moms pour from empty cups day after day. Now that you have considered the weight of your mental load, do something about it. Take care of yourself and model the behavior for your children.
Resources and Support
Motherhood can be a lonely journey, even with a supportive partner and family. Sometimes it is therapeutic to talk to someone who has been through the trenches and understands what you are going through. Below, there are some helpful books, tools, communities, and supportive services geared towards moms for the times the invisible load gets to be too much, because we all have those times.
Books and Articles
Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much To Do
This book offers both a solution and empathy when it comes to the invisible load of motherhood. Written by a mom and wife, author Eve Rodsky offers four easy to follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a figurative card game that you play with your partner. Winning means rebalancing your life, reinvigorating the relationship with your partner, and having more time to yourself to pursue other interests and hobbies. In addition to the book, there is also an actual card game you can purchase that goes along with the concept: The Fair Play Card Deck – A Couple’s Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What’s Important.
The Mental Load: A Feminist Comic and The Emotional Load and Other Invisible Stuff
Both of these titles are by author Emma, who reflects on the mental and emotional load of women. Hilarious and serious themes of comics litter the pages in the best of ways, offering an unforgettable books. If you are feeling the invisible load and need a serious laugh and to feel not so alone, check these out. Also, check out sample comics on Emma’s website. When reading through them, they honestly made me feel so incredibly seen.
Research backed evidence shows that when a relationship evolves into a family with children, the mental load falls on the mom. This book explores the reasons why in a what that is comprehensive to the reader. An intelligent read for both moms and dads to understand the science and societal reasons behind this phenomenon to have a better perception for change.
Apps and Tools
There are several apps that are worth a try. A few apps to check out for organizing your home and sharing the mental load are:
Jam Family Calendar is $95 annually. It has a modern, fun interface that helps gamify chores for kids. Family calendar features are geared towards getting kids involved.
Cozi Family Organizer has a paid version and a free version. The paid version is $39 annually. The interface is a bit old-school (some may even say clunky) but it has everything you need from to-do lists to calendars to meal plans.
Google sheets or your stock calendar app are free, but you may need multiple apps for all of your needs and these are not geared towards involving children.
Copy Me That is great for organizing recipes, creating meal plans, and grocery lists. I personally use the free version and love that I can save a recipe from anywhere on the web and add it to my meal plan with ease.
Online Communities
Facebook offers a variety of communities to choose from. Try searching a term specific to you, such as “working mom group” or “anxious mom.” If a certain group doesn’t resonate with you, don’t be afraid to ditch it and try again.
Alternatively, there are many subreddits that cater to all sorts of mom groups. Reddit can offer support while staying anonymous.
If social media isn’t your cup of tea, other online communities are still plentiful. Try out Parents Helping Parents. There are a variety of support groups available for free ranging from mom groups, dad groups, and foster parent groups. If you are looking for a more in person connection, try the Peanut App to find friends in your area.
Therapy and Support Services
BetterHelp and Talkspace are two online therapy services offered. Receive therapy without leaving your home, an amazing service for moms.
Postpartum.net also offers a therapy provider directory as well as several resources and a helpline that can be called or texted.
Additionally, talking with either your primary care provider (PCP) or your gynecologist can be beneficial. They will likely be able to offer support or in network referrals that will line up with your needs.
Quick Reference Guide for an Overwhelmed Mom
Print, share, pin, or screenshot this quick reference guide for future use. Send it to a friend in need with a link or post it up somewhere at home. Use it how you’d like and to support other moms. Click the picture to download and share or click the link below:
Final Thoughts
The invisible load of motherhood always seems to be looming in the background of our lives. A horror story of motherhood that no one can escape, no matter how organized. Instead of attempting to erase the thought of it, let’s work together to make it vanish altogether. Little by little, you will feel your load lighten by following the guide above, seeking resources and support, and giving yourself some grace.
I’d love to hear your story. How do you manage the invisible load? What’s one thing you’ve done to lighten it this week? Share in the comments or connect with me on Instagram @TiredMamaConfessions.
Written by Stephanie, creator of Tired Mama Confessions—a blog that embraces the chaos, beauty, and burnout of motherhood. Available for freelance writing and content creation in parenting, mental health, and lifestyle niches.
